Our wedding vows (feat. Aldi, coffee froth and psilocybin)

Many of you have been following along on the Project Self / Honest AF blog as I’ve written my way through the last 12 years of my life.

What started as a way to share my passion for mindfulness quickly morphed into a passion for writing, using radically honest stories from my life.

For some, you were here all the way back when I was dating up a Tinder storm and getting triggered when dudes didn’t text me back.

Many of you came to know my ex, Bloody Good Chap through the early years of the Project Self blog — I wrote about him a lot! You were here when I was wailing on the floor with grief having ended our beautiful 5 year relationship.

Some of you were still around a year later when I first met Bloody Good Bloke (now Bloody Good Husband) on a Zoom workshop even though I was not yet ready to date. When I was taken over by puppy-like crush energy that threatened to balls everything up. When we went camping on my balcony during lockdown and asked each other the 36 questions to fall in love.

Many of you were here laughing with/at me when BGB proposed and I accidentally walked off.

And now, if you’re sticking around, you’re here on the journey of navigating marriage.

It’s not just Project Self anymore… it’s Project Us!

For me, an avoidantly attached serial relationship-fecker-upperer, it’s been a big journey to get here.

Take the following sentence for example, not all that long ago I would have cringed it right off the page.

On our wedding day, it felt like a giant blob of love descended on us as we gathered on hay bales overlooking the sea.

The intensely tangible feeling of being in a love-blob was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It seemed that many people’s hearts opened extra wide that day.

Marriage was discussed for the first time by some of our guests. Others were inspired to rewrite their vows and renew their marriage. Many told us it was the most moving wedding ceremony they’d ever witnessed.

One friend described it as like being on MDMA, without being on MDMA.

So, continuing with the spirit of oversharing in the name of writing, I’m sharing our vows with you. Partly because I would have LOVED to read other people’s vows when we were figuring out how to write our own. And partly in case even a fraction of the magic love blob can zoom through my fingers and into your eyeballs.

Bloody Good Bloke and I wrote our vows separately. Our celebrant Chris gave us a helpful structure to kick us off:

Why I love you, why you inspire me, what I promise.

Other than that, we had no idea what we’d each written until our wedding day.

Our guests couldn’t believe that we’d not compared notes, given the amount of overlap. Perhaps it’s not surprising, given the crazy number of ways in which we are on the same page in life, despite our many differences.

So, without further ado (since I’ve already made far too much ado), here are our wedding vows:

Andrea:

Walking through the Botanic Gardens together on one of our first dates, I remember thinking that you were the most interesting man I’d ever met. I had this overwhelming feeling that I wanted to know everything about you.

I still feel that way now.

I love your deep curiosity, your intelligence, your determination, and your extreme humbleness.

I love your incredible ability to see and bring out the best in everyone around you.

I love your subversive streak, and how you get angry at fences.

I love your ability to be both the fiercest protector and the most loving snuggler.

I love your huge heart, and how you make me feel so safe to be fully, ridiculously, myself.

I love your ability to be my absolute rock and a constant loving presence, even in the midst of great challenges.

You inspire me to love as generously and wholeheartedly as you do, to see nuance instead of black and white, to leap into the unknown and figure it out along the way, and to lift heavier weights at the gym.

Loving you and being loved by you is the greatest gift of my life.

I promise to make you feel seen, heard, and felt, even when we both agree it’s a bit cringe to say so.

I promise to continue to get irrationally excited to go to Aldi with you, and to share my tiramisu with you.

I promise to smile and agree every time a straight man tells you how handsome you are.

I promise to always try to follow along when you’re telling me about how psilocybin affects Bayesian priors and hemispheric lateralisation in the default mode network.

I promise to keep the glass clear between us, and to open when I want to close.

I promise to respect you, cherish you, and love you, not just when it’s easy — which it really is, so easy — but also and especially when it’s difficult.

I promise to support you in all your dreams, and to encourage you to be fully yourself.

I promise to adventure with you, to grow with you, and to weather life’s storms with you, no matter what.

You are my absolute favourite person.

I love you.

Bloody Good Husband (nee Bloody Good Bloke):

From our first date, I thought, wow - I’ve never met someone so alive. Now, after 5.5 years of getting to know you, I think the same.

You are so fun and playful, and despite years of health challenges, still the most alive person I’ve ever met… And the only person I know who dances in supermarkets.

You are also the most honest person I’ve ever met. It’s not just that you don’t lie. It’s not even that you say the truth, even when it would be easier not to. It’s that you always seek the truth, even if it would be easier to turn away, and you’re open to the truth even if it’s something you’d rather not hear. And you do what is true to your values, even when it’s hard.

There is just so much that I love about you.

I love your sharp and curious brain.

How your groundedness and practicality complements my philosophising mind.

I love how your truthfulness and authenticity complements my tendency toward understanding and harmony.

And how your clarity complements my nuance.

I love your adventurousness.

I love your cheekiness.

And I love that you love good music.

Your aliveness makes my world more vibrant and filled with joy. Your wholehearted sensitivity opens me to the beauty and poignancy of life. Your integrity, courageousness and commitment to growth inspire me to be a better person.

In your love, I’ve never felt more known, more appreciated and more fully myself.

I’m so grateful to have met you, to have known and loved you for 5.5 years, and I’m excited to share the adventure of this life with you.

I promise to never stop removing the barriers to our love.

I promise to celebrate your wins, and to be your rock when times are hard.

I promise to apologise often, forgive quickly, and open when I want to close.

I promise to always let you have the froth from my coffee.

I promise to listen deeply and say what needs to be said to keep the glass between us clear.

I promise to nurture a culture in our marriage that helps us flourish and allows our love to reach its fullest expression.

I promise to protect you - not just physically, but to protect your aliveness and heart.

I promise not to take you for granted.

I promise to never stop getting to know you.

I love you.

That’s the end of our vows. Can’t fathom how to wrap up this blog post.

Bye!

x

Andrea

Pst 1 — BGH has always and continues to let me eat all the froth off his cappuccinos. It’s one of my great joys in life. Allegedly he gets more joy from observing my coffee-froth joy than eating the froth himself. So I married him.

Psst 2 — Photo credit: our wonderful friend and photographer, Flavio Morais.

Pssst 3 — Have a friend who is getting married soon and trying to work out how TF to write vows? Splendid news! If you reckon a friend might appreciate this post, forward them this email.